how to tell you?
by inferablefiend
Summary: Jaal's true mother, Sahuna, sent Lynx Ryder some questions. One stands out at her and makes her fear losing her relationship with Jaal.


Each moment Lynx was on the Nexus, she spent an hour with her brother discussing her adventures. This moment though, she came in with less bounce in her step. "Lynx, what's wrong?"

She hesitated, not knowing if she should be telling him this. But beside Jaal, he was the only person who knew her well enough. "Sahuna, Jaal's true mother, sent me some questions."

Scott laughed. "Okay. You've never had a problem with honesty."

"The angaran have made big families a part of their culture. She asked me how the birthing process works. Basically, she wants me to give her kids," Lynx said, pacing in front of her brother. Being uncomfortable made her want to move. She needed to keep pacing or she might die of embarrassment.

Scott opened his mouth to offer advice but nothing came to mind. What could you say? "Does Jaal know?"

"How do I tell him I can't have kids?" Lynx brushed back white hair wishing it was long enough to draw back into a ponytail. When she received the email, she thought about going straight to Jaal. Lynx wanted to do nothing but be honest with him but this… this touched a moment in her life she locked away until now. "I don't think being honest with him will be the problem. I don't know how he'll react."

She continued pacing, now running agitated hands through her hair. "Scott, what do I do? What if-" Tears threatened to fall. "Look at me, getting emotional over something that may not even happen." She wiped the bottoms of her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Lynx, you just have to be honest with him. That's all you can do and hope for the best." Lynx nodded, knowing her brother was right.

"How did you get so wise?" she joked going over to sit next to him.

"A six hundred year nap will do that to you," he replied placing his arm around her.

AAA

Lynx boarded the Tempest with the drive to avoid Jaal until she could explain her broken body. Until she could come to terms that her relationship with him may end over this. She snuck past the medbay, galley and crew quarters, each door opening as if greeting her. The door to her own quarters opened as well, albeit slowly.

Lynx spent approximately an hour pacing trying to script what she was going to say and how he was going to react. Jaal was still a bit of a mystery to her. In certain situations, he reacted the way she expected. In others… It was a new experience for her.

Before they left for the Andromeda galaxy, it never occurred to her to date. Most of her free time she spent cooped up in her bedroom listening to twenty-first century rock and reading science-fiction dramas. Though in these days, there was very little that was actually science fiction.

Falling in love with the angara, that just happened. It wasn't planned. It's not like she saw Jaal and thought, "I'm going to romance him." And if she was honest, she never thought it would go as far as it did. Now she was in love with him and felt as if she couldn't give him the one thing he might ask for in the future.

"Pathfinder," SAM said, drawing her attention to him.

"Yes?"

"Jaal has been looking for you."

Uhm, no thank you. She still didn't know what to say to him. But she couldn't continue to avoid him. "Thank you, SAM."

Lynx took a deep breath, straightened her sweater and went to the door. It slip open to reveal Jaal standing there tinkering with the omni-tool she gave him. "Is everything okay?"

His eyes met hers. "I was going to ask you that. You usually come see me and tell me how your brother is doing." His low, purring voice usually relaxed her at the end of the day. Now it only wanted to make her move.

Which she did. Lynx brought both hands through her hair, gathering it in the back before letting it fall. "Darling one, are you alright?"

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know Jaal. I have something to tell you and I don't know how you'll react. I don't…" Her stomach flipped uncomfortably. It was either now or never.

"Darling one," Jaal said softly. He reached his arms out to her to bring her into him.

"No, please. I need to keep moving. If I don't, I won't be able to tell you this." Lynx knew moving away from him hurt but she needed to get this off her chest. She needed to tell him before she lost her nerve.

"You value honesty. Your true mother emailed me the other day. I didn't come to you first because I needed to talk to my brother about something. Jaal… Your mother asked about human birthing process."

Jaal's brow furrowed deeply. A slight growl started in his chest, only the beginning of his words. "I told her I would not answer those questions. I did not think she would go to you about them. Lynx, I will take care of it."

"I don't mind answering questions. I understand that I am as mysterious to her as she is to me. But I don't know how to tell you but I'm… infertile. It's been strongly suggested that I never have children because I will either give birth prematurely or have a miscarriage."

"A miscarriage?"

"I'd lose the baby in the middle of my pregnancy. It was never the plan to be infertile. I knew when I met the right one, I would want to fill my home with babies." Lynx stopped a moment and considered what she said. "I still come from a small family, but I wanted one or two kids. I don't know if we're compatible to have kids together, but even if there was a remote chance of that being available to us, it would never happen." Tears were rolling down her cheeks. It was tough telling the love of your life you wouldn't be able to give them kids. Even a strange half human/half angaran child.

Jaal laughed, a loud and clear sound. It confused her for a moment. "My heart, you are telling me something that shouldn't have stressed you. If you cannot give birth naturally, we can always adopt. You need to understand, family is family. It doesn't matter where they came from."

This made Lynx unbelievably happy. She always thought being infertile was going to be a problem. Though she knew adoption would be the way she was going to go, she wanted to do both. He brushed his hand on her upper arm, brushed his lips on her forehead. She closed her eyes, allowing her to lean into his broad body, shivers running from her groin up.

Jaal pulled off his glove and ran his hand through her hair. "It'll never cease to amaze me how soft you are," he murmured, the words turning her on more than intended. "I'm sorry my mother sent you those questions. I told her I would not answer them as I felt they were an invasion to your privacy."

It was Lynx's turn to laugh. "It's alright. Really. I just didn't know how to tell you I'm infertile. Hell, I'm still not sure how she'll react."

Jaal shook his head. "You'll be fine."


End file.
